20 Truths: Victuuri
by Nausicaa Smith
Summary: 20 Truths format drabbles on my favorite skating bbs


1.

Victor hates his birthday. Every year other kids get parties just for them, but Victor's is always mixed up with Christmas stuff. Christmas is relatively minor in Russia, and yet everybody gets him a birthday-slash-Christmas present. Every year his "birthday cake" is a slice of pumpkin pie with a candle in it. Kids his age are too oblivious to notice the unfairness of it, and the adults in his life are too busy with adult things to care very much. Eventually Victor stops caring too and he goes on as an adult without acknowledging the day at all. Yuuri's family opens Christmas presents on Christmas Eve instead, and Victor doesn't think much of it until he wakes up to a surprise party with presents and cake all just for him.

(He cries a little in the bathroom later, after he's gotten away from them, because _oh, this must be what family is like._ )

2.

Victor loves dogs with all his heart and soul. They have a kind of happy-go-lucky attitude that Victor himself was never allowed and a beautiful kind of loyalty that he's never experienced before. Victor's wealthy but distant parents had kept him so busy with ballet, piano, and private language tutors that he had rarely had a moment to spend just playing with toys or running around outside. He'd always envied dogs, because to them life was nothing but playing and Makkachin was exactly who he needed to settle into his soul and show him the kind of selfless love that only a dog could give. Or so he thought.

(Then he met Yuuri, whose ability to love unconditionally was so blinding that skating Agape would have been much too easy for him.)

3.

Victor had known since his early teens that he was unreasonably attractive to both women and men. He was constantly ogled, showered with gifts, and had a massive social media following that constantly fawned over his silky silver hair and perfectly blue eyes. But in spite of all the people clamoring to be with him, Victor found himself alone in the crowd more often than not. Those that did get close wanted to bed him for his looks, to fulfill their own fantasies rather than because they cared about giving him pleasure. They wanted the fame and glamour that Victor could provide; Victor just wanted to be held. The loneliness came out in Stammi Vicino, but no one noticed.

(Then Yuuri says that if he wins the Hot Springs on Ice challenge he just wants to eat katsudon with him, and Victor is so blindsided that for a moment he can't speak.)

4.

Victor has expensive taste and the whole world knows it. He can spend thousands of dollars on a single suit; he wears designer sunglasses and handmade scarves from exotic little towns no one has ever heard of. He has dozens of pairs of shoes, not including the infamous gold-plated skates that he wears at every competition. What the whole world doesn't know is that he kind of has a thing for shoes on other people. Other people like Katsuki Yuuri, who has zero fashion sense and just wears whatever is most comfortable ninety percent of the time. Victor plots to replace all of Yuuri's cheap, worn out sneakers mere days after he arrives in Hasetsu. He sneaks in new skates and new dress shoes as well. Much later in the season he stands breathless in the doorway of the ballet studio when he catches Yuuri taking off a pair of pointe shoes that Victor didn't even know he had.

(Victor holds his hand as they walk back to the inn, and later that night manages to talk Yuuri into letting Victor help him put them back on.)

5.

Victor can see right through Yuri Plisetsky. Right through the prickly, foul-mouthed facade to the frightened, insecure child who just wanted someone to be proud of him. He can see it because he's been there himself, just with better coping mechanisms. So while Yakov parades the students in front of the press and ignores them when practice is over, Victor keeps one eye on how much Yuri eats and how late he works out and whether or not he's got clean clothes to wear. He does forget his promise to create a program for the boy, and the guilt kind of eats at him in Hasetsu because he knows that he was the only one paying attention. But hey, Yurio is resilient and rises to the top anyway.

(Yuuri demands that the angry kitten come to stay with them after the GPF, and Victor melts a little while watching him ignore the sharp claws and hissing.)

6.

As much as he is in top physical condition, Victor suffers from ongoing and sometimes cripplingly painful plantar fasciitis. It hurts more in the mornings, when he takes his first few steps, but he hides it well from the world and his fellow skaters. He ices his feet, wears braces, gets steroid shots. Nothing cures it. He has to take a season off in his Junior years because of it, every step he takes is like walking across hot spikes and it would have shown in his performances. Yakov tells the press that he needs time off for schooling, which is a better excuse than what Victor saw as a physical weakness. It's a flaw, a chink in his armor, a sign that he isn't as perfect as the world believes.

(Yuuri finds out one morning when he catches Victor taping his feet before a run, but he still seems to think Victor is as perfect as before.)

7.

Victor will willingly sit and listen to pop music, but he has a special appreciation for classical and he's not ashamed of it. Maybe it comes naturally; maybe it comes from all those piano lessons. For his routines he always tries to choose something unusual, something the audience probably has not heard before. He learns in his early 20's that he's no good at composing his own music, so he finds a composer and starts commissioning pieces once or twice a season. It all works out, until he starts to lose his inspiration and he's terrified that Stammi Vicino is going to be the peak, the climax of his career, that he can never do better. He skates it over and over until he could do it in his sleep, muscle memory guiding him but still suffocating until he reaches Hasetsu. Yuuri has a piano piece commissioned for his free skate, and when it arrives he bursts into Victor's room at midnight to share it with him.

(Yuuri in his arms, straddling his hips, breathing in his ear while they listen is by far the most beautiful song Victor has ever heard.)

8.

There was a time when rumors flew about Victor's gender. Some insisted he was really a woman who wanted to compete with men, while others thought he was a boy who wanted to begin transitioning. He wasn't oblivious to the talk; in fact, he exploited it all through his junior years. His costumes and his school clothes were deliberately androgynous, and he had a little fun painting his nails and wearing not-so-subtle makeup both on and off the ice. There was some backlash in the media, but his true fans loved him that much harder and Victor loved them back. When reporters asked directly about his sexuality he'd answer with innuendo and a sassy wink, and they would all lose their minds as usual.

(Yuuri chooses Victor's favorite of those deliberately ambiguous costumes for Eros, and Victor's chest hurts a little every time he sees him wear it.)

9.

Victor isn't a virgin by any means. Skating has kept him from having any real relationships, but he's had a fling or two with other athletes. As usual, they wanted the glamour and not Victor himself, and so he moved on. He fooled around with Chris once when they were very drunk, but overall Victor's sexual experiences had been forgettable. Sure, they were okay, but to him sex just didn't live up to the hype it got. So instead of someone who is good in bed Victor pines for someone who will understand him, someone who will see his flaws and love him anyway, someone thoughtful and compassionate and loyal. He doesn't get his hopes up.

(He finds those things in an anxiety-ridden Japanese skater and isn't expecting much once they're naked, but the first time Yuuri slides into him it's like a fucking revelation and _how has he even lived his whole life without this kind of pleasure?_ )

10.

Victor is a shitty coach and he knows it. He blows hot and cold, one minute strict and the next completely forgiving. He learns, though. He learns to stop making fun of Yuuri's (adorable) weight gain after he catches him going for a run at midnight after skipping dinner. He learns to do the really intense stuff in the second half of the day, because Yuuri isn't really alive until after 11 AM. He learns to see Yuuri to his room before bed, lest he stay up all night cleaning the onsen to deal with his anxiety. Later, when they're sharing a bed, he learns to recognize the beginnings of a nightmare and soothe it away. The sleep they both gain is mutually beneficial. Victor had always been an insomniac, but something about the smell of Yuuri's hair or the safety of his arms puts him out like a light.

(Celestino finds him at the Finals banquet and congratulates him for taking Yuuri from sixth place to silver. Maybe a shitty coach is what Yuuri needed to become more self-sufficient.)

11.

Yuuri knows he isn't the sexiest, so why Victor is forcing him to skate Eros he just can't say. He's always disliked his body, from his fluctuating weight to his slumping shoulders, his plain face and small hands. He hates his feet most of all. His weight and his posture are fixable, and at least his face and hands aren't the worst. But his feet, his stupid, ugly feet. They're a little flat, a little wide compared to the rest of him. Not great for dancing or skating, but he manages. He diligently keeps the nails short, tapes his toes, bandages blisters. It doesn't matter what he does, they always seem bruised and rough and Yuuri never, ever goes barefoot.

(Victor manipulates him into a foot massage after a hot bath one evening. He rubs coconut oil into the heels, ignores Yuuri's embarrassed cringing, and miraculously looks just as devoted as he had before.)

12.

Without his glasses, Yuuri is a little klutzy but not helpless. He does, however, have a bad astigmatism, which results in general blurriness of things both near and far and distortion of flat surfaces. Sometimes, just after he takes off his glasses, the ice looks a little concave until his eyes adjust. His parents pressure him to get contacts as a teenager, thinking it will help his performances and generally make life easier. Yuuri never does, and he still skates with his glasses off. He's long since learned to compensate, and the blurriness tends to merge the spectators into a whirl of color so he can forget how many people are watching him. It helps his nerves a little, being able to un-see them. He lingers on the ice, dreading the moment he has to put them back on and bring the audience into painful focus.

(Yuuri rushes to greet Victor at the barrier now when his performances end. He plucks the glasses off his husband's head, puts them on, and focuses easily on blue eyes that drown out the crowd just as well.)

13.

Yuuri can gain five pounds just from breathing in the same room as cake, but on a certain level he just doesn't care. Yes, he wants to be healthy and attractive. Trim and fit, like a proper athlete. He stresses about it and hates his body. But the truth is the Yuuri likes a little extra weight on himself. He likes a little extra curve to his hips, likes to have a flat tummy but not a six-pack. He likes the way his face looks in the mirror when he's wearing an extra ten pounds: a little younger, a little less sharp and world-weary. Still, he struggles to stay slim because that's what he's supposed to do. He eats kale and rice cakes and rubs moisturizer into the faint stretch marks that appear to remind him of all his failures. In the off season, after their move to St. Petersburg, he quickly puts on a dozen pounds because of his close proximity to pirozhki and blitzes. He spends extra time dancing to burn it off, but is secretly pleased by the sensuality the added curves give his movements.

(He catches Victor watching him in the ballet studio one evening, completely enraptured. Later that night, with his thighs wrapped securely around his fiancee's head, he maybe stops worrying so much about the extra weight.

14.

Yuuri can see right through Yuri Plisetsky. Right through the foul mouth and angry green eyes to the frightened, insecure child who just needs some stability and comfort in his life. Yuuri has no idea what it's like to be bounced around between homes at a young age, to live alone at fifteen, to have a nearly nonexistent support system but a coach screaming in his ear six days a week. His parents have always been wonderful and kind and supportive, and he can't imagine what it's like to not have that. So, he fixes it. He nudges his mom at Yuri while they're in Hasetsu, and later tells Victor in no uncertain terms that the blonde is going to come live with them in St. Petersburg when the season ends. They're going to drive him to visit his grandpa every weekend, they're going to buy him toys for his cat, and they're going to feed him pancakes on Saturdays and katsudon on Thursdays and there is no room for argument. Victor doesn't argue.

(Yuri fights them at every step, resists every kindness, but finally sits wide-eyed and quiet in the back of Victor's Maserati as they drive the two hours to his grandpa's house for the first time. It's easier after that.)

15.

Vicchan is the light of Yuuri's life through his teenage years, a loyal friend who never judges him and is always there to listen to his problems. Vicchan sleeps on his pillow, runs with him every morning, chews a toy while he does homework, and licks his tears when anxiety takes its hold. When he leaves for Detroit, saying goodbye to the miniature poodle is the hardest thing he's had to do in his young life. Skating after the phone call informing him of Vicchan's death is the second hardest, but he does it. He fails miserably, leaves Sochi black and blue with the bruises, but he finishes the skate and glides off the ice with a little dignity. Practically speaking, his life doesn't change. He hasn't had Vicchan on his pillow in years, but the fact that he won't ever again leaves an ugly wound that Yuuri will carry for the rest of his life.

(A year later Makkachin takes up residence in his bed and in his soul, and while she could never be a replacement for Vicchan, she and Victor together heal a lot of hurts.)

16.

Victor is lonely and Yuuri can see it the minute they meet. He hates his reaction to Victor's offer of a photo, but his anxiety won't let him do anything but walk away. He sees the hurt behind Victor's public-persona mask, knowing that few others will recognize depression unless they've been there themselves like Yuuri has. The Russian comes on a little strong after he arrives in Hasetsu, even asking to sleep with Yuuri but respecting his space after being rejected. By the time of Onsen on Ice, though, Yuuri has figured out that Victor is desperately touch-starved, so he initiates contact in the form of hugs and back pats. By the Cup of China they nap together easily, and by their move to St. Petersburg they're in a state of almost constant contact except when on the ice (and sometimes even then). They hold hands walking, hook their feet together under the table at lunch, and sleep pressed together in Victor's ridiculously huge bed. Skin to skin, fingers and legs tangled, breathing each others' air.

(Victor asks one night, uncharacteristically insecure, if he is too clingy. Yuuri answers in the affirmative, but quickly kisses away the doubt on the man's face, whispering a demand of _stay close to me_. The subject never comes up again.)

17.

Okay, Yuuri is pretty sure that Victor was joking about getting married after he'd won a gold medal. It was just Victor being extra, so in spite of his wonderful married-domestic daydreams he doesn't allow himself to hope that it's ever going to happen. Even when Victor refers to him repeatedly on tv as his fiancee, or does research on how to get Yuuri 'joint custody' of Makkachin, or buys them new suits to take everywhere with them so they can be prepared. It's a grand running joke, nothing more. Then Yuuri unexpectedly wins gold at the Four Continents by three points and the next day finds himself at a court house in Los Angeles repeating vows in English. Phichit cries, and the angry kitten makes exaggerated gagging sounds behind them. They go on a month-long honeymoon in Paris and Yuuri doesn't speak a word of French. It's terrifying and beautiful.

(Chris sends them a box of sex toys as a wedding gift, Makkachin gets spoiled on French cuisine and Phichit's Instagram account gets so much traffic the server goes down for a day. Everything changes, and yet everything is still the same.)

18.

Video games have always been a source of comfort for Yuuri. After a stressful, anxiety-ridden day at the rink or a week away at a competition he likes to curl up on the floor in front of a tv and Xbox and slaughter bad guys. At night, when he can't sleep because his brain won't stop replaying the same humiliating moment from three weeks ago over and over and over again, he'll lay on his bed with his laptop and mod his weapons, sell old armor, and check the forums for new cheat codes. Skyrim has been a great tool to have around on days when he's had a lot of falls or Victor has insulted his fashion sense. He forgets about how his shoes are a crime against humanity and just kills the shit out of some dragons.

(Victor doesn't get it, but turns out to be the best enabler Yuuri's ever had. Before he knows it there's a new gaming router in his room, some extra fuzzy blankets by the tv, and a secret stash of dragon-slaying snacks under his bed.)

19.

Yuuri knows that Victor has expensive tastes, which is one of the reasons that he's completely baffled that Victor is attracted to him. There is nothing expensive about Yuuri. He wears his clothes until they wear out, in spite of his contract with Mizuno where they provide him all the athletic clothes and equipment he could possibly want. He's worn the same suit and tie to every event for four years, his bicycle is secondhand, he doesn't even have a tv in his room. On any given day, the priciest item on him is his prescription eyeglasses. He knows that Victor has secretly been replacing half his wardrobe with designer stuff, and he tries to cooperate but he's not comfortable with the man spending so much money on him. He's got his own sponsors and he can afford to live frugally, just fine, while putting away a decent amount in savings. They day after the Cup of China Victor has five dozen white roses sent to their hotel room and insists that he needs them in order to woo Yuuri properly.

(Victor doesn't know that Yuuri is already catastrophically in love with him, and has been for a decade, and no amount of flowers or French cuisine or Gucci sunglasses could make a difference. He'll learn someday, though.)

20.

Yuuri's had nightmares for his entire life. He's never identified a particular trigger, although some anxiety meds do make it worse so he switched away from those quickly. He'll have bad dreams after good days, or bad days, or busy days, or lazy days. After eating rich food or eating rice with steamed vegetables, after drinking a little sake or abstaining for weeks. Most of the time he can't remember what they're about. There may have been dark figures chasing him, or maybe his family had left him, or maybe Victor had left him. They ramp up after Victor enters his life, in fact. He's too beautiful, too perfect, Yuuri is too in love with him and the dreams are warning him that it won't last. But after they've learned to sleep together, Victor's presence seems to ease the nightmares away. He rocks him gently back to sleep, against his chest, and something about his smell or his warmth drags Yuuri into a safer mental space. Victor's insomnia abates, and they both learn to sleep through the night for the first time.

(Yakov yells about their newfound codependency when they arrive in St. Petersburg, because of course he does. He doesn't comment on how much happier they both look, at least not out loud.)


End file.
